Simple and Clean
by YaoiSongstress07
Summary: Tribute to Andi Mack. Post MGS4. Otacon's doomed to lose someone he cherishes. Tears pour from his broken heart as he tries to make a few more precious memories. Oneshot!


Welcome to 'Simple and Clean', my first project of the Metal Gear Solid category! This oneshot was inspired by the one and only Andi Mack, one of the world's greatest writers. XD She is responsible for 'The Opposition' and 'Adjustment Periods', both of which can be found in this very category. XD This piece will pale in comparison to her masterpieces, but I'll try my hardest to shine. XD After all, this _is _a tribute.

Keep in mind that this project was inspired by the Kingdom Hearts I theme, 'Simple and Clean'. The final version of that song definitely fits this piece (as it fits Chapter 15 of 'Adjustment Periods). I am currently contemplating a full-blown project, whether it turns out to be _this _one or another project in the future. Meanwhile, please enjoy this tribute to one of the greatest authors.

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**Disclaimer: Although I would have died for a chance to work on Metal Gear Solid, it DOES NOT belong to me. That breaks my heart. XD**

**If you're allergic to fluffy situations, please DON'T read this. Once again: if you're allergic to fluffy situations, PLEASE don't read this!**

**Please don't spend an entire review stating grammatical errors/errors on character information. I'M NOT WRITING A TERM PAPER.**

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I've never been lucky.

I lost the ones I loved in the past, and I'm doomed to lose yet _another _precious jewel in the future.

My name is Hal Emmerich. My closest friend refers to me as 'Otacon'. He's the only one that knows of my nickname, because I didn't feel comfortable informing anyone else of it. I would have felt _awfully _silly giving it to anyone else, _including _Sunny. I'm completely comfortable with my old friend, though. Around him, I am free-practically an open book! There isn't anything I keep hidden from him, regardless of what it is. He knows everything about me, including my obsession with Japanese animation. At first I felt ridiculous for sharing that passion with him, and his ridicule didn't help any. Exchanges of discomfort and derision occurred during the first phases of our relationship, though. He continues to poke fun at me, even to this very day, but I don't mind. It doesn't harm me the way it used to. I know all about him, and he knows all about me.

I feel alive whenever I'm around him, but I'm afraid of something. I feel that all of that is about to change. I'm about to lose everything we've ever built, and everything we _could _have built in the future. I'm in danger of losing someone else I care for, even as I cling to him for dear life. I've grown weary of losing my loved ones, but life doesn't wish to give me a break. I feel that time takes pleasure in killing my happiness. There isn't anything I can do to hold onto my precious moments of release, no matter how much I want to keep them. Life is rapidly draining me, taking away my last hold on reality.

Dave means the world to me, especially since the world crumbled around me _many _times in the past. Several years ago he saved my life, and we've been close ever since. Of course we had our differences, mind you. He'd grumble and complain, sending streams of curse words in my direction. He'd smoke two packs a day, complain about my obsession with 'anime', and engulf the world's greatest deposits of coffee. He wasn't too fond of me at first, which was evident through our distance. Two months elapsed before that changed. Whenever we had free time on our hands, he'd keep himself near me. He would have _died _before admitting that he liked me, but I could tell. Even now I smile, thinking of how attached he was to me. He was no different from a puppy, following me around whenever he had the chance. He always looked down at those around him, with the exception of Mr. Roy Campbell. Everyone else was pretty much _scum _on the bottom of his shoe. Never even gave them the time of day! He meant no harm, though. He's just like a cuddly kitten. Hungry for affection, bratty, and scornful against those that supply him with _no _devotion.

Our bond never simmered throughout the years. During his missions, I supplied him with all of the assistance he needed. I never saw him as a trained killer, though. I never treated him like an empty doll. I never saw him as an emotionless human either. I treated him the way I _wanted _to treat him, regardless of how everyone else saw him. To me he was my friend, and I made sure he knew that-even while he was on the battlefield, coursing through countless amounts of bodies. His last battles took the toll on him, but I was constantly at his side. I kept myself near, never taking my eyes off of him _once-_even while we apart. Distance couldn't keep us down.

I just realized something. While I cared for him, I forgot myself. I forgot everything that haunted me in my sleep. I forgot everything I wished to leave behind. Which ties into everything perfectly. I felt alive around my old friend, and I was able to cast off my nightmares. Now all of those nightmares are rushing back to me. They have united with the present, and they're planning to take over my future.

Sunny was with us for a while. She was a devoted guardian of 'Uncle Dave', rarely leaving his side. After the passage of Liquid Snake, and Dave's reconciliation with his father, she was adopted by Mr. Campbell. Naomi would have made a suitable mother, but she unexpectedly passed. It was a sad affair, especially since Naomi and Sunny were a mother-and-daughter pair. Not wanting the child to be without family, Roy withdrew not only from the force, but from the world of war altogether. And so I was left alone, destined to keep a solitary watch over my friend. It didn't bother me at first, but I foolishly believed I could handle everything. I even thought I'd be able to rescue him. As the days passed, I came to learn how _wrong _I was.

He's drifting away from me, pulling away from times that we'll never share. Every day decreases his strength, and it breaks my heart. Of course he tries to act as if nothing phases him, but it's evident. I can see how much it pains him to even _breathe _at times. I don't even sleep, and if I do, it's an unpleasant time for me. My heart comes up with new nightmares, all of which featured my old friend. If I'm successful about avoiding sleep, I watch him. I watch him as _he _sleeps, wanting to be readily available in the case of an emergency. He had a tendency to lapse into spasms during the night, and he was no stranger to nightmares either. He'd never tell me what they contained, but it wouldn't be ridiculous to assume that he forgot them, either.

He too has retired. I've taken him away from all battlefields. We live in a little house that's in the middle of nowhere. I smile every time I think of our home. It's not much, but it's special to us. I care for him, day in and night out. We've spent our days sharing memories and watching anime. Dave was resistant to it at first, wishing he could destroy everything in sight at the mere mention of anime, but then he adjusted to it. He even became fond of one show in particular (a legendary show that's also one of my favorites). 'Gundam Wing' turned out to be a massive hit-with _both _of us. He constantly tells me that I'm a combination of Quatre Raberba Winner and Duo Maxwell.

6:27 am, Tuesday. July 8th.

I'm teaching myself how to bake. Sunny was an expert at cooking, but I'm the polar opposite! I've managed to keep Dave alive this far, but I don't think I'll be able to manage this particular task. Reading the directions off a box of cupcake batter shouldn't be difficult for someone that managed to endanger the world on more than one occasion. Surprisingly, I don't think I'll be able to create edible cupcakes! I'm ashamed! The great 'Dr. Hal Emmerich' can't bake! What a joke this has turned out to be! I'm sure Dave would laugh his head off at me!

6:50 am. They're finally done, and they're alive! Things worked out after all! Icing needs to go on top of them, and I still need to put the little Gundams on top, but they're okay! I may hate myself to no end, but I manage to surprise myself sometimes. Once these little treats are decorated, they just need to be delivered! I hope he likes his.

6:55 am. With Gundam cupcakes in tow, I enter our bedroom. He's silent, lying in his bed as usual. It's harder to awaken him these days, but I've managed to pull him out of slumber. It takes me five minutes to do so today, and he rises to find me at his side. He blinks several times, bearing the face of a confused fawn. I can't help but smile, even though the foundation of his confusion breaks my heart. He's a big, bad mercenary, but he's as cute as a teddy bear.

Two minutes pass before he speaks to me, finally registering my presence. A pang shoots through me as I realize something. He's even weaker than a kitten now, hardly able to keep himself up.

I'm trying to hold back my tears. Maybe if I ignore my future, it'll go away.

"Good morning, Dave! I've got something for you!"

He scowls at me. "Stop treating me like I've got a ribbon around my neck. I'm not your pet."

A smile spreads across my face. "I _know _you're not. You're my friend, and I've come bearing a gift. Take it."

He looks at what I have to offer. It's a cupcake with blue icing, topped with a miniature Gundam. It's accompanied by another cupcake, which happens to be mine. Both of them are sitting on a tray, which has confetti sprinkled on it. He examines the tray as if it came from Mars, then he lifts his eyes to _me. _Once again he has the look of a bewildered animal.

"What's _this _for?"

Tears threaten to break me down, but I keep a smile on my face.

"It's for your birthday! Today's your birthday, Dave, and I thought I'd do something special."

He crinkles his face, eyeing the tray skeptically. He then picks up his cupcake, removes the toy, and stares at it. "No one's given me a birthday before," he says, and it becomes harder for me to ignore the future. I yearn for his deep, husky voice to stay with me. I yearn for _him _to stay with me.

Everything burns. Everything _hurts._

"Well..." I begin, struggling to find the right words. As of right now, though, I'm struggling to even find my _voice. _"I thought I'd...I thought I'd give you one. Happy...happy b-b-birthday!"

It's hard for me to breathe. Dave continues to stare at the mini-Gundam for a moment, then speaks to me again. His voice is even weaker than it was seconds ago.

"This is the Gundam Epyon."

I can't resist putting a bit of mischief into my smile. "So?"

He directs his scowl towards me. "The pilot of this Gundam turned out to be an idiotic, selfish, whining bastard. You couldn't give me Sandrock?"

I gasp, and more tears rush forth.

Sandrock is Quatre's Gundam suit.

"Well, I...I...uh...I'm sorry, Dave. I just thought...well, you remind me so much of Heero, and...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

I don't make any sense. _Words _don't make sense any more. Nothing makes sense any more. All I can see is my friend, hovering between life and death.

Edging closer to death.

"Did you make this?" he asks me a moment later. I think he noticed my distress. His tone has become softer. Warmer.

"Y-y-yes, I did. Why?"

He smiles at me, and I feel my heart fall into a million pieces. "Nice job," he tells me. "And which one do _you _have?"

"I...I...I g-g-gave myself Nataku. I...you know I've always admired Wufei. He's...a lot stronger than _I _am."

He hovers between a smile and a scowl. I know he can't stand my absence of self-esteem, but it's hard to be confident when you're being forced to let go of your solitary source of happiness. _You're an idiot, _his eyes read, and I know that well. Then he says something that smashes the shards of my heart into even _smaller _pieces.

"I'm not hungry, Hal."

The loss of my codename, which he had affectionately used throughout our years together, cut right through me. Those words didn't help either, but I try to keep a smile on my face.

"Please...p-p-please try some. I...I know I'm asking too much of you, but I'd...I would appreciate it. Please?"

I know. I know he's too tired to it. I know he's allergic to the idea of eating, because he's far too weak to even digest anything. He's far too weak to do anything, other than give me weak smiles. I know all of this, and yet I want him to eat his cupcake.

I want him to have his birthday.

I miss him. I miss him already. I miss his cigarettes, which he gave up last week. He stopped smoking not out of concern for his health, but out of the inability to light them. I would have lit them for him, but they contributed to the decimation of his health.

I miss him already, and he's still here. Staring at his cupcake.

Moments pass before he begins to remove its wrapper. Like a puppy pawing at newfound kibble, he takes small bites. My heart melts whenever he displays the mannerisms of a small animal, but now it's melting more with sadness instead of adoration. I should be eating my cupcake, but I _can't_ eat. What a hypocrite I am!

He knows. He knows I'm upset. He sees this, and continues to eat his cupcake. I begin to eat mine, even though holding it is indescribably painful. I feel like I'm holding a thousand bags of iron.

7:05 am. Both of our cupcakes are gone. My chest is burning, but still, I'm trying to ignore the future. I take out a small box, which I wrapped in gift paper. "Here," I say to my old friend, who has the look of a mournful wolf about his face. He wishes to reach out and comfort me, but he's all too aware of what lies ahead.

So am I.

"Open it," I instruct him, after he looks upon the box in confusion. "It's your present."

Gently he takes the box from my hands, studying it. A minute elapses before he unwraps it, revealing its contents. It's a golden badge I made myself. It also has the attributes of a locket, complete with a small photo on the inside. The front of the badge reads: 'Hero, legend and friend'.

His facial reaction brings even more tears to my eyes. If any more tears rush into them, I'll break down.

I'm scared.

Someone help me. Please.

Please don't take him away from me. I don't want him to go.

He's all I have.

He opens the locket, discovering the photo. "It's...it's me," I tell him, trying so hard to smile. "That's me...when I was a little boy. I hope...you'll keep it with you...s-s-so you won't forget me."

He gives me a look that kills my smile.

"I'll _never _forget you, Hal."

I'm blind. I can't see an inch in front of my face. I try to put on another smile, try to thank him, but nothing works. Nothing ever works. Everything always fails.

A hand touches my face a moment later, attempting to wipe away my tears. It's Dave's. I realize this and take it, holding it to my cheek.

Someone help me. I don't want to let go.

"How could I forget you, after everything you've been through?"

"After everything _I've _been through? Weren't we a_ team, _Dave?"

"Yeah, well..." he grumbles, wiping more of my tears away. "I put you through Hell on more than one occasion. You deserve a Nobel Peace Prize."

Despite everything, I laugh. "You weren't a _chore. _I...I liked being with you back then. I _still _like being with you. You're my friend."

His face becomes sorrowful. Almost tearful. "Not too many people say that."

"I know. I know. I do, though. Is that...enough?"

"It's _more _than enough, you dim-witted anime junkie."

Miracles happen, even in the face of darkness. One happens in the form of a smile, which takes flight on my face.

"Hey! You watched them with me!"

"Only because you _forced _me to! I'm your _hostage, _for cryin' out loud!"

"You talk as if I've been _torturing _you!"

"You _have _been torturing me! You only dragged me out here because no one else wants to watch your meaningless cartoons!"

Our banter is short-lived. Dave falls into a whirlpool of coughs, covering his mouth. I rub his back and speak to him reassuringly, calming him. Soothing him. Five minutes pass before he calms down, and I peer into his eyes. Our faces are only inches apart.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started anything. I don't want you over-working yourself any more."

"You apologize too much," Dave tells me amidst small coughs. He feels like a feather in my arms. "There's no need to apologize if you haven't done anything. It doesn't make sense."

There is a _lot _I have to apologize for. I have to apologize for letting you go. I have to apologize for being unable to save you.

I'm worthless to you, and I'm sorry.

It seems I won't ever be able to fulfill my atonement. I have far too many crimes to atone for. One lifetime isn't enough for complete atonement.

"You put up with me _longer _than you should have. You didn't deserve any of this."

Those words are like _daggers _to my soul. "Don't say things like that! I wasn't _forced _to look after you! I _wanted _to stay with you! I wanted to be with you! I _still _want to be with you!"

He looks into my eyes, searching for the foundation of my words. Once he finds it, he chuckles at me-still wearing a tiny, frail smile.

"You're an idiot. You've wasted so much time...on an old killer."

"Yes I'm an idiot, but you're my _friend! _My _hero! _You mean _everything _to me, and I don't regret anything! I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you!"

He's drifting away from me. I can feel him slipping out of my reach.

I'm losing him, and so my heart is breaking. _I'm _breaking.

"I can't think of anyone else that would say that bullshit to me," he says to me, smiling. His voice is a fragile whisper now, and his eyes are closing. He can't keep them open any more. "You're the only one that's _ever _treated me like a human. A living, breathing man."

There is no response for that. I can't find a word to say. I can only...

...cry.

He wipes away more of my tears, but I can barely feel his hand. I can't even _see _it. It's too hard to see, too hard to look, too hard to breathe. Too hard to do anything.

"Don't leave me. Please..._please _don't leave me. Don't leave me, Dave. Don't leave me."

If I say that enough times, my wish will come true. I'll open my eyes, and he'll be perfectly healthy. This nightmare will be over. It'll end, and everything will be okay. _We'll _be okay.

My heart's beating too fast. And it hurts.

"Please don't leave me. You're all I have. Please don't leave me."

He speaks to me, weaker than _ever _before. I strain my ears to hear him. "You'll live," he tells me, still smiling. "You'll live...to torment someone else with your shitty movies. You'll live...to become s-s-someone else's friend. You'll live...and you won't need me anymore."

"_No! That's not true! That's not true at all! I don't __**want **__to live without you! I don't want you to leave me! I don't want to lose anyone else I care for! Not again! Not anymore!"_

"Thanks for the party. Thanks for always being there. As far as I'm concerned, you saved my life."

Tears overwhelm me. Sobs overwhelm me. I don't want to listen, even though I know I have to. I want to pretend that Dave's speaking in a language I can't understand. I want to pretend that I'm in an alternative world, and I'll be able to go home soon.

"Thanks...for being my friend. I won't ever forget you, but...I hope you'll forget _me."_

My heart stops.

His hand slips from my face.

I can't breathe.

The world is spinning.

Time passes. I don't know how much. I can't keep track of time any more. I can't even add or subtract. I can't _think._

"Dave?"

No response. The cupcake tray sits between us, vacant.

Epyon is in Dave's hand. The badge is close to the other.

"Dave?"

Still no response.

If I ignore the present, it'll go away. All I have to do is open my eyes, and it'll disappear. Everything will be all right. All of this will go away, and I'll have my friend back. All I have to do is ignore everything. All I have to do is-

-spend the rest of my life in pain, with one question forever engrained in my mind.

"_**WHY?! WHHHHHHY?!"**_

I'm no longer human. Tears course from a throbbing mass of flesh, blood and pain. Sobs course from a broken kitten's heart.

I am nothing. I am only an entity that knows pain...

...and will forever remain alone.

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"You're giving me too many things

Lately you're all I need

You smiled at me and said,

Don't get me wrong I love you

But does that mean I have to meet your father?

When we are older you'll understand

What I meant when I said "No,

I don't think life is quite that simple"

When you walk away

You don't hear me say please

Oh baby, don't go

Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go

The daily things that keep us all busy

Are confusing me

That's when you came to me and said,

Wish I could prove I love you

But does that mean I have to walk on water?

When we are older you'll understand

It's enough when I say so

And maybe some things are that simple

Hold me

Whatever lies beyond this morning

Is a little later on

Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all

Nothing's like before..."

Utada Hikaru's 'Simple and Clean', featured on Kingdom Hearts I OST

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Note: 'Gundam Wing' is an actual anime show, featuring the characters Heero Yuy and Quatre Raberba Winner. Heero was a seemingly cold character, keeping his emotions bottled up. Quatre happened to be one of the show's most gentle characters, loving and sweet to those around him. Duo Maxwell was a playful, endlessly cheerful and optimistic companion to the previously mentioned characters.

Sandrock was the Gundam that belonged to Quatre. Chang Wufei, another Gundam pilot, owned Nataku. He was a strict, honorable and self-reliant warrior. Epyon was one of Heero's temporary Gundams.

This entire piece was inspired by Chapter 15 of 'Adjustment Periods', written by an amazing person. I do hope all of you enjoyed it, because I put my heart into this. XD Fare well for now! Who knows? Maybe I'll return to this category soon!


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